Birds Chirping

One morning as I was getting ready for work I stopped to smile because... what was that I heard? Were my ears be playing tricks on me? No! It really IS that sound of birds chirping early in the morning. I haven't heard that sound in a long time. Surely it must be one of the first signs of spring!! Moment of Win!! Chirp on birdies!!! (except when you wake me up when I'm still trying to sleep)

Conquering A Fear

I left everything familiar this weekend and packed some stuff up and checked into a hotel. I needed to clear my head. I needed to get away. I needed to do something FOR MYSELF BY MYSELF.

This was quite possibly one of the best weekends ever. As well as one of the most difficult. I spent a lot of time thinking and journaling trying to face my problems, feelings, as well as my fears.

This weekend I learned that I'm really good at shutting the world out. I'm perfectly happy secluding myself and keeping to my own devices. I fulfill my social interaction void by hiding behind a computer. This is something I need to work on and I didn't put it off any longer. Today, I faced one of my fears successfully. My fear is going out and doing things by myself. After checking out of my hotel (man, i'm going to miss that sleep number bed and the quiet), I drove myself to a restaurant and sat at a booth and ate ALL ALONE. It was a little bit easier because I had my journal and pen in hand to write down a lot of things I was thinking and feeling at that moment. Once I was done eating, paid my bill and left, I sat in my car and smiled. I DID IT!! So here I am, sharing this MOMENT OF WIN. Brought to you by the bacon avocado burrito at Denny's.

Perfectly Ripe Fruit

When it comes to mornings lets just say I'm NOT a morning person. I hit snooze as many times possible. I wait until I absolutely *have* to drag my butt out of bed. I allow myself JUST enough time to get ready to leave and only end up a *little* bit late for work. Unfortunately it doesnt leave much time for breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day so I refuse to skip it. So, in my situation I'm a grab and go kind of girl. Fresh fruit is my breakfast of choice. There is nothing better than the perfectly ripened fruit. For instance, a very hit or miss fruit is a banana. Eat it when it's too green and it's bitter. Once it starts devoloping those brown spots it's all mushy. Who likes to eat mush besides babies? And that's only because they don't know any better yet. *wrinkles nose* But in some cases the banana is at the perfect moment of ripeness where there's no mush and no bitterness just the best tasting fruit you've ever had in your life! MOMENT OF WIN!! *fistpump* ... or until you happen to be lucky again and grab another perfectly ripe piece of fruit. But until that day, this moment may very well have made your morning. Carry on in your perfectly ripened fruit bliss my friend, carry on.

They Call Me...

In case you're coming across this blog for the first time and have NO idea what Second Life is... it's a computer game that I play. I hate calling it a game. To some people, it may just be a game but it's not to me. Second Life is a virtual world. It's kind of hard to explain, but the short version is it's like a big huge chat room, well a program with a bunch of chat rooms on different servers or "sims" where you're not just a screen name, you're an avatar and you interact with other people and their avatars and uhhh... OK just wikipedia it. Second Life tends to get a lot more bad press than good because that's the kind of news that gets peoples attention.

For me, Second Life has been a great comfort. It's helped shape me into who I am today. That's a pretty big deal, to be a part of something that is so life changing. I've made friends there when I felt I didn't have any, it's been a creative outlet, it's allowed me to become a stronger person, it's been an emotional support when my real life was too difficult to deal with on my own. Most of all, I've built a family. In the real world, we don't get to choose who we're related to. Our relatives are our relatives whether we like them or not. In Second Life, we may not be family by blood but we are family by our hearts. I have been so blessed to be surrounded by the people that I have been. Some of them we talk every day, some of them we no longer talk at all. But they've all left imprints on my heart. While I've opened my heart up to them, they have also opened theirs up to me. I don't take my relationships lightly and genuinely feel blessed to be a part of their lives. Without them, a broken heart would be unbearable, my work days would be more stressful and my world (both of them) would feel so lonely.

Everything I've just said is a "Moment of Win" on it's own but there's something that I have to mention that is so precious to me. Every time I hear this phrase when I'm logged in I can't help but smile.

My SL children and when they call me "Mommy". I'm not a parent in the real world, but one day I hope to be. In my Second Life though, I am. I'm naturally maternal so of course I gravitated towards the family life and "kid world" of Second Life. I am so lucky that my kids feel the kind of connection with me to honor me with that title. I don't take it for granted and hope to be the best "SL" mother I can be as well as their "RL" friend.

Candy Stash

Sometimes I have these moments where all of a sudden I want... no... NEED something sweet. This kind of craving can't be appeased with the "good for you" kind of sweet that's provided by healthy things like fruit or yogurt. The only way this feeling will go away is if I can find the BAD FOR you kind of sweet that can only be found in something like a candy bar (Whatchamacallit's anyone?). I've tried to fight it, it doesn't work. When denied for too long this annoying voice inside of me keeps poking at my brain repeatedly until I go off in search of said junk food. Since I've started a healthier lifestyle, I don't keep junk food on hand very readily. BUT THEN *points a finger in the air matter of factly* I remember, I have a small candy stash that can easily be forgotten about but is very convenient in these kinds of emergencies in a plastic tupperware container in my closet. MOMENT OF WIN. One mini Crunch bar later and my candy craving is gone and all is right with the world again. *sighs happily*

Winter Crispness

Snow and I have a very love/hate relationship. I love to play in it. I love how sparkly it looks but I hate to drive in it. Especially when my anti-lock braking system decides to kick in while three deer run in front of my car. But that's more of moment for my other blog "Blah... that sucks" hehe.

I had to go outside to fill the furnace with wood and as soon as I opened the door, I caught a deep breath of wintery fresh crisp air and all I could say to myself was "this is SO a Moment of Win"

Say "I love you"

I realize that some of my "Moments of Win" are laced with sadness. I'm afraid this one is going to be much the same. I'm a typical person that's struggling to see the good in all things bad. I'm trying to learn from the negative and build myself to be a stronger and better person than I was before. In the process, I'm trying to not let my grief and personal anguish rule my life. I'm just trying to be happy.

This post is very dear to my heart. If you have the patience to sit here and read through it, I greatly appreciate it. It's one of my "life lessons" so to speak. I don't typically open up because I'm cautious by nature. I've been hurt by people in the past that have used my weaknesses against me. I feel this lesson is important enough that I'm willing to announce my shame in the hope that you can learn from my mistakes. This isn't easy for me, I can already feel the tears building up behind my eyes as I think about what I'm going to say.

My grandfather passed away from cancer. He had battled colon cancer for years. He had gone through so many surgeries over the years but unfortunately the cancer spread and he was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was determined that it was terminal and his strong will (and stubborness) kept him alive longer than any doctor could have ever predicted. Toward the end, when it got to the point he was bedridden, our family had hospice coming in to take care of him and monitor him. During the last week of his life, I was house sitting for my sister and her family because they were out of town. I can recall my mom calling me, urging me to come see my grandfather, that he didn't have much time left. For whatever reason, I just kept pushing it off. You see, at this point I had never lost anyone close to me before. My grandparents lived with my parents and I so we could help take care of them. It was hard to watch him deteriorate. There were days I would watch him struggle to simply eat. I would have to run to my bedroom and cry because I didn't want to cry in front of him. He was always a proud man and I knew he didn't want my pity. In reality I didn't cry in pity, I cried because someone I loved dearly was in so much pain and I couldn't do anything to help or fix it. I cried because I knew that one day he would be gone from this earth forever.

I have no idea what I was thinking when I was avoiding the situation. I don't think I could face seeing him bedridden and weak. Perhaps I felt if I pushed it aside and pretended it wasn't happening, I wouldn't have to face it and it didn't exist. I was very wrong though. This was very real no matter how much I didn't want to accept that fact. Finally, I was able to return home and I remember that night very clearly. As soon as I got home I walked down the hallway of our house to go to my grandparents apartment (also called an in-law suite) and I just stopped. I was frozen. I could hear my aunt and uncle with him and I didn't want to interrupt. I remember I talked myself out of going. I thought to myself "It's late, I'll go to bed and come visit after work tomorrow". I also silently stood there and tried to telepathically send a message to my grandfather letting him know that I love him and I'm sorry I couldn't be a better granddaughter.

That night, my mom woke me up to let me know that my grandpa was gone. I just sat up in my bed, in shock. I remember saying "why can't I cry?". Little did I know, the next three days were a complete blur because that was all I did do, was cry. I couldn't sleep, completely engrossed in my own guilt "why didn't I, why couldn't I, I should have...". I would replay it over and over in my head. The day of the funeral all I can rememeber is my grandmother crying hysterically and yelling at me telling me how I'm a horrible granddaughter because I never came. He had asked for me.

To this day, It's so difficult for me to visit his grave. For me, it's not a place to connect with him or a place of peace. It's a constant reminder of the guilt and regret I will forever carry with me for the rest of my life.

I'm sure you're all familiar with the saying "Live life with no regrets, every decision you make and everything you've gone through makes you who you are today". While I do agree, had I not gone through what I've been through in my life I wouldn't be the exact same person I am today. But I can not say I live with no regrets. There's so much I wish I would have done. I wish I would have spent more time with him. There are so many stories of his life that I no longer have the opportunity to hear because I was too busy being selfish and out with my friends. I wish I would have just mustered up the courage to walk through the doorway, and hold his hand and tell him I love him for the last time. Because not going to see my grandfather and giving up my chance to say my "goodbye" and have my closure will be a devastating thing I will never, ever, no matter how much time passes by, get over.

The lesson: Don't waste your time. It's easy to get caught up in drama. It's easy to hold onto anger and hurt. It's easy to feel like you'll have plenty of time to do XYZ. No matter how angry you are, always say "I love you" to the people you care about. No matter how busy life gets or how caught up in drama you can be in, take a moment and stop to think about the people that are there for you no matter what. Let them know you care. It can be as simple as saying "hello, how are you today?". Stop and think: "what if this person died tomorrow? how would that make me feel?". I realize that's a morbid thought but if we all stopped to think that way we'd realize there's a lot we leave unsaid because we're afraid or we think we'll have plenty of time to do so. Visit your grandparents and listen to their corny stories about "way back when". Randomly visit a friend you haven't seen in a while. Open that IM box and say "Hi" to someone you haven't talked to in a while, or you haven't talked to since 3pm. Stop making excuses why you shouldn't or can't or don't do things. I urge you. Don't wait. Just do it. You never know when it will be your last chance.

So, my "Moment of Win" is when someone tells me they love me. Because of what I've been through, and the mistakes I've made, I take that phrase to heart. It means more to me than anyone could possibly imagine. And when I tell you "I love you", know that I mean it. Also, do not take it lightly because when I say those three little words there's a silent meaning worth more than a billion words. When I say I love you, I'm really saying "I love you. I have to let you know this because you really mean a lot to me. You're someone I don't ever want to imagine my life without. If by chance someday you're no longer in my life, at least I know I got the chance to say it and you're forever a part of my heart and you've made an impact on me."

Proving People Wrong

As many of you know, I'm a huge plurk addict. When SL camp started I was presented with a challenge that my stubborn butt accepted. To not plurk for an entire week. At times it was really difficult but I was successful!!



I learned in that week that I didn't really miss it. At least I didn't miss the drama or the possibility of having theoretical salt rubbed in a wound. Plurk is something I do out of habit or when I'm procrastinating or have nothing better to do. Don't hate me my plurkies, I love you guys, I really do but sometimes I worry it's a bit of a crutch for me. I lean on it and it's become a way to share my day or random thoughts with SOMEONE and it helps me feel not so alone.

Ok I'm getting to... emotional-y here... MOVING ON:

Another great MOMENT OF WIN. Today, my head bosslady (the CEO of the company I work for) came to my desk to ask me if I had reviewed and excel spreadsheet that was supposedly emailed to me. I looked at her with a quizzical look on my face because I had NO clue what she was talking about. Being a noob in the accounting department, I've had my share of flubs and have ignored things that were actually really important. So I was scared. Very scared. If you knew the CEO you'd know why. That lady is fierce. Anyway, I told her that I don't think I was copied on the email distribution for it. She insisted I was, so I searched my Outlook. Did I find it? No I did not. My manager had it though and it was confirmed, I was never copied on it. So... HA! IN YOUR FACE!!! I proceeded to go about my day with a smug look on my face because for once, I didn't do something wrong!

So, the next time someone tells you that you can't do something just remember all it takes is some will power and dedication. You CAN DO anything you put your mind to. And the next time someone tells you that you did something when, in fact, you didn't and you have proof... keep it professional. No one likes a gloater. Even though I'm totally gloating right now.

Quiet Time

*sighs peacefully*

Moment of Win: being awake when everyone else is asleep. I don't think there are many moments quite as peaceful.

Nuf Said.

Even Numbers

I love even numbers, for some reason I feel like they're lucky. It doesn't make sense, I realize this. It's just how I am. In particular, my favorite number is 2. There's no real rhyme or reason for this other than maybe it's because 1 seems like such a lonely number and 3 is an ODD number so I go with good ol' trusty even number deaux. So you can imagine my elation when I was the person to generate invoice number 222222 in my company today. In fact, I was planning on it. I told my supervisor on Monday that no one else better steal that even numbered blissful moment from me or I would be ANGRY... VERY VERY ANGRY. So... HA HA HA HA HAAAA.

Moment of Win!

I got it, I got it! *dances around joyfully*

Hey... it's the little things in life man. The little things.

My Favorite Song

MOMENT OF WIN!!!
I love it when I hop into my car, start the engine and the radio station is playing my favorite song (or current favorite song - which is "Stereo Hearts" by the way) right off the bat. Better yet, it's the very START of my favorite song!!! DOUBLE WIN!! That little moment right there just turned my bad mood into a good one. Prior to that moment, I was dreading the journey ahead of me. But now I'm looking forward to the drive ahead, if only to listen to my favorite song and sing along. For the next 4 minutes anyway.

Casual Friday

It's bad enough to have to wake up early in the morning to get ready to go to work. But what makes the day a little sweeter is knowing that it's casal friday. I can slip on a comfy pair of jeans and a sweater and roll out. I don't have to worry about my work pants and their wrinkles or the cat hair they seem to attract. In all honesty, I think they should let us come to work in our pajamas. That would be even better! Why do they even make us dress up anyway? Personally I'm more productive when I'm in a relaxed environment and a lot less stressed, so why not?

Ohhh I shall keep dreaming for that day. But until then, I'm going to appreciate my MOMENT OF WIN and look forward to casual fridays (if I have to go into work anyway).

Golden Tickets

I was so excited to find out that one of my favorite bands is coming to my area. What I mean by favorite is, I'd actually purchase their entire album. I don't know about you but that's very rare in my book. When I got home from work, out of curiosity I checked to see how much ticket prices were (not that it'd matter too much, I WANT TO GO!). I found out they're reasonably priced and just like any good fangirl I stalked my RL sister until she answered my IM's to see if she'd go with me. The conversation went something like this:

**via Facebook**
Me: Sis.
Me: Sisssssss...
Me: Sissssssssssssssssss.... SIS SIS SIS SIS SIS SIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!
**msg's go unanswered. Then don't stay online darn it!!! At this point I flip to text message**
Me: SIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!
Her: What?
Me: If I were to get tickets to go see Daughtry, would you go with me?
**a second later**
Her: Let me think about that... OH HELL YEAH!

You see, since I do not have a boyfriend, my sister is my date to pretty much every event I don't want to go to alone lol. Once I got the A-OK and the security of knowing I wouldn't have to go alone, I flipped to the website to buy tickets.

And then... D:
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? They don't go on sale until friday at 11am?
**goes back to messaging my sister**

Me: Umm, will you be home friday at 11am can you book the tickets because I have to work and I want the BEST... SEATS... POSSIBLE!
Her: Go to this link they're available for presale with that code.

:O

I wanted to cry in pure joy.

MOMENT OF WIN!! Pre-Sale ticket code for one of my favorite bands, Daughtry.

Who's going to the Daughtry concert? Oh that's right THIS girl right here is going to the Daughtry concert!!! 21 rows back babyyyyy!!!! These are MY GOLDEN TICKETS!! Who needs everlasting gobstoppers or giant gummi bears when I get to see live, in person, some seriously awesome eye candy with an even better voice!?! Did I mention, 21 rows back... TWENTY ONE!!! TWO - ONE. *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

I still can't wipe this silly grin off my face.

In case you need to HEAR who Daughtry is so you know WHO I'm talking about, here's some links to a couple of my favorite songs:


Crawling Back to You
Those lyrics!!!
"Lessons learned, bridges burned to the ground,
And it's too late now to put out the fire,
Tables turned, and I'm the one who's burning now..."

Over You
"Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you."

*sighs happily* UPDATE: The day of the concert, something spectacular happened. When my sister and I were in line waiting to get into the venue, one of the local radio stations had a raffle for front row seats. My sister urged us to enter and I thought to myself "Hey, why not, it couldn't hurt" even though I was also thinking "yeah I'll never win this". About 15 minutes before the concert started, we headed back to the radio station booth with a ton of other people. You see, the winner had to be present. They called out a name, no answer. They called out another name, no answer again. Then I heard it... MY NAME! I screamed! OMG OMG!!! I WON FRONT ROW SEATS TO DAUGHTRY :D At that moment, that was probably the BEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. (although, he doesn't seem very fluffy friendly. I never claimed to be a skinny minny, although I'm working on my health. It seems he'd shake hands with everyone else around my sister and I, except us. Hate to admit, it kind of tainted my love for this band. But this was an incredible moment in my life nonetheless.)

Ninja Snowfall

I'm from Ohio. In Ohio, we have a season called Winter. In winter, it snows... a lot! But the great thing about Ohio is; (and I'm not exaggerating) if you don't like the weather, wait an hour, it'll change. If you're a lucky office worker like I am, you have a window seat. When I'm supposed to be working, my shiny object disorder often kicks in and I will find myself staring out the window, my mind wandering somewhere in lala land. On one such occasion, I was staring at the snow that was falling from the sky rather heavily. My emotions were torn between an excited "OOOH, SPARKLY" vs. an irritated "ugh, I'm going to have to clean this stuff off my car when I get out of work". At quitting time, I bundled up and drudgingly walked out of the building. As I opened the door to the outside world and freedom, my face was greeted by an ice cold chill as I squinted my eyes trying to adjust to the brightness of non-artificial light. Walking towards my car... wait... what is that? How on earth...?

For reasons unbeknownst to me, today's blizzard didn't consist of normal snowflakes. Mother Nature decided to bestow upon us a NEW kind of snowflake... NINJA snowflakes. They fell everywhere, on the roads, ditches, in the grass, on the sidewalks... just NOT on the cars. I didn't have to dig the snow scraper out of my trunk and freeze my poor little fingers off. I just hopped in my car and drove right on home with a big grin on my face.

MOMENT OF WIN!



Yes, that really is my ride. Awwwah yeahh. Big Pimpin ;)

Expecting Nothing

This blog is going to start off with stuff that sounds pretty pessimistic. Please bear with me, I swear I have a point. In life I have learned the hard way that we can't expect anything from other people. As humans, we are all flawed and eventually we let eachother down. If we place our hopes and/or happiness in the hands of someone else, we're bound to get crushed and feel heartbroken.

On the flipside of that, the sooner we realize this the better because I've also learned I need to MAKE my own happiness. If I want something, I go get it. If I have a goal, I get up off my butt and take the neccessary steps to accomplish it. The only person I now place 100% faith in, is myself. Because if I let myself down, I am the only one to blame.

I'm sure you're wondering where the "Moment of Win" is here...

If I go about my life not expecting anything from anyone... For example: If I don't EXPECT my hypothetical boyfriend to text me to say goodnight or if I don't EXPECT my Mom to keep her plans with me (because her track record sucks), then I'm opening myself up for the opportunity to be surprised. I'm allowing things to just happen. So when I do get said text from hypothetical boyfriend I can smile and appreciate it, or when Mom actually goes to get her nails done with me, I can just sit back and enjoy our mother/daugther bonding time. I'm not saying to have low standards by any means. What I'm trying to say is, if you spend more time trying to do for yourself you might be too distracted to sit there and sulk about how things aren't working out for you and you can stop and smell the MOMENT OF WIN!

I'll leave you with a quote by um, Unkown (I'm too lazy to google it); "The best things happen when you least expect them to".




I really hope this post made sense. I'll fix it tomorrow when I'm not as tired. Sweet dreams everyone!

The Best Friend "slap upside the head"

You know you have a true best friend when you say something completely idiotic (usually out of pure emoness) and they have no problems saying; "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?". Said best friend will tell you things, not because you WANT to hear it, but because you NEED to hear it.

MOMENT OF WIN!

Thank you for caring enough about me to proverbially slap me upside the head. I love you too!! ^_^

Stop Signs

Maybe you're traveling along, going 60mph in a 50, belting out the newest catchy tune on the radio. You're loving life at that moment. Perhaps you don't have anywhere in particular to go or a reason to be in a hurry but the one thing that puts a cramp in your style is that darn stop sign up ahead. So you slow down, press on the brakes and come to a complete stop like a good law abiding citizen. Besides, ignoring that stop sign and getting into a crash would REALLY ruin your day. You look to your left and right and notice that another car has arrived at the same intersection as you, but a fraction of a second quicker. Just when you think your trip is delayed by another 5.5 seconds... the other driver waves you on letting you go first! TOTAL MOMENT OF WIN!!! ^_^ Thank you random stranger. For your small act of kindess (and patience) made me smile.

A New Years Kiss

I don't know what it is about New Years. Technically speaking, it's just another day. Except we have to re-learn how to write the date and add an extra number to the total. Anyway, a lot of people seem to think New Years is the time to wipe the slate clean and have a positive outlook for what's to come ahead. What's a better way to ring in the New Year than with a big ol' smooch right at midnight? It doesn't have to be a romantical kiss, it can simply be a peck on the lips with one of your BFF's or lay a sloppy wet one on some random stranger. Either way it's a total Moment of Win! So grab your chapstick and scan the room for your victim, this year is going to be a GREAT one! ;)

Why Am I Doing This?

So I've learned, happiness is a choice. Misery comes too easily in our lives. We actually need to make a conscious effort to remain positive. You'd be surprised how great life can be, simply by changing our attitudes and perspectives on things. When I was feeling really down, I was inspired by a book I read: "The Book of Awesome". It's a book that compiles a blog (1000awesomethings.com) that lists a lot of the "small things in life" we take for granted that make life well, AWESOME. So I said to myself, "self, you need to make a list like that". If anything to remind myself no matter how sucky life can be and at times, things aren't always going to go the way I want them to... that there are "Moments of Win" that happen that can make me crack a smile, no matter what. And here this blog is.

Just for the record, I don't have the book or blog memorized so I have no idea if I'll be repeating anything, if I do, SORRY!!